Fair To Say

This is one of my favourite times of year in the sporting calendar: the build up to the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on the fourth of July. As blogged previously, Takeru Kobayashi is trying to wrest back his title, and the world record, from Joey Chestnut in the Independence Day dog-off. To assist him in this endeavour, the Tsunami has enlisted the help of a hairdresser named Katsuji Fukimura, whose blog now carries a picture of the newly coiffed competitive eating legend. Exhorting the champ to “Swallow, rooting for you!”, Fukimura explains the new do thusly: “Today’s hair, color of mustard and ketchup and so on the ground YARUKI! This MACHIGAINASHI win!”

While it’s true that all publicity is good publicity - except perhaps when it comes to news of what is euphemistically known in the competitive eating industry as “reversals” (i.e. vomiting) or “epic detritus” - I’m not so sure that this is a good sign for my boy Kobayashi. Does he really need to be sitting in a hairdressing salon for hours on end, bits of aluminium twisted about his head while the dye soaks in? Wouldn’t he be better off in a quiet room contemplating the massive job ahead of him as part of the mystical duality of yin and yang? What is going through the boy’s noggin?

The historical parallel that strikes me about this momentous move in Kobayashi’s career, on the eve of his biggest challenge, is the career of Dennis Rodman. Sure, Rodman won titles with the Bulls in the 1980s with hair dyed every colour of the spectrum, just as Kobayashi has done (albeit sticking to blonde before now) during his long Nathan’s title run as his showmanship and flair for performance has grown. However, my feeling is that Dennis Rodman is a once in a generation sportsperson, and it’s going to be very difficult for Kobayashi to emulate his feats. Also, let us not forget that Rodman’s team mate during his rainbow-haired ring run was Michael Jordan - you won’t find an MJ up there on the stage on Friday dunking hotdogs on the Tsunami’s behalf.

My feeling is that it can safely be postulated that putting multiple artificial colours in one’s hair is a significant impediment to realising one’s sporting dreams. I hope you prove me wrong, noble Kobayashi. Eat one for the Gipper, son.